A Glimpse into my
Wonderful World of Big Dogs

•        You look the wrong way, shift in your chair, or stand up and that signals the start of the race to the back door.

•        A chip bag crackles and suddenly there is a huge dog in your lap.

•        When leaving the house or upon arrival you are greeted by a deafening, howling chorus.

•        Your TV is always tuned to Animal Planet for the National Geographic specials on wolves.

•        People stop 'dropping by'.

•        The house is a winter wonderland year round, despite daily vacuuming.

•        The top third of your Christmas tree is the only part decorated and it's tied to the wall.

•        It's been years since you've been in the bathroom alone.

•        There are child gates at the kitchen door and bottom of the staircases, and your human children are adults.

•        You always check your dog's breath before you accept kisses.

•        Your backyard resembles a cratered moon landing site.

•        You are greeted at the door and gifted with a petrified frog, dead rat, a turd or a squirrel tail.

•        You consider dog hair in your food an extra protein source.

•        There are still child safety locks on cupboards after the human children move out.

•        You have a collection of dog (breed specific) and wolf nicknacks in your home that rivals a gift shop.

•        You don't own an alarm clock because the dog is more accurate.

•        You put 3x the amount you plan to snack on in the bowl so you can share.

•        Your toilet paper is kept in a cabinet, and it's a guest faux paux to put it back on the roll.

•        Food that's dropped on the floor does not require pickup unless it's chicken bones.

•        The dogs provide the dishwasher prewash cycle.  

•        You buy a vehicle based on the interior upholstery color and ability to hold 3 or more extra large dog crates.

•        You mop several times a day and vacuum daily.

•        Night refrigerator raids or bathroom trips require care not to step on the live rugs

•        You never have cold feet because there's room under your desk.

•        The consoles and compartments in your car are filled with extra leashes, collars, crate fans and show/training supplies.

•         You carry a roll of paper towels and windex in the car

.         Your car's windows are covered in nose prints and dried drool

•        Your veterinarian has a wing named for you.

•        The house is littered with hundreds of gutted, limp toys and crushed, flattened tennis balls.

•        You are up-to-date on the newest vacuums because you buy one a year

•        There are vacuums on every floor in your home

•        Visitors to your home wearing black are automatically handed a lint roller, which is kept by the front door

.         Your couches and chairs are either leather or covered in washable slipcovers

•        Burglers never bother your house - mainly because they can't force the door open for the large dog on the other side sleeping.

•        Your jeans have the faint smell of dried liver or lamb lungs from carrying treats in the pockets.

•        The neighbors refer to you as the "dog lady" and routinely ask for advice.

•        Using the word bitch is not cursing.

•        More than half of your mail and the majority of your emails pertain to your dogs.

•        You think nothing of talking openly about a dog's bodily functions, body parts or breeding activities.

•        You are trying to decide when (not if) you will take back the special puppy from your prized champion male's next litter.

•        You have a loving husband who never questions how much money you spend on your dogs.