|A Glimpse into my
Wonderful World of Big Dogs
• You look the wrong way, shift in your chair, or stand up and that signals the start of the race to the back door.
• A chip bag crackles and suddenly there is a huge dog in your lap.
• When leaving the house or upon arrival you are greeted by a deafening, howling chorus.
• Your TV is always tuned to Animal Planet for the National Geographic specials on wolves.
• People stop 'dropping by'.
• The house is a winter wonderland year round, despite daily vacuuming.
• The top third of your Christmas tree is the only part decorated and it's tied to the wall.
• It's been years since you've been in the bathroom alone.
• There are child gates at the kitchen door and bottom of the staircases, and your human children are adults.
• You always check your dog's breath before you accept kisses.
• Your backyard resembles a cratered moon landing site.
• You are greeted at the door and gifted with a petrified frog, dead rat, a turd or a squirrel tail.
• You consider dog hair in your food an extra protein source.
• There are still child safety locks on cupboards after the human children move out.
• You have a collection of dog (breed specific) and wolf nicknacks in your home that rivals a gift shop.
• You don't own an alarm clock because the dog is more accurate.
• You put 3x the amount you plan to snack on in the bowl so you can share.
• Your toilet paper is kept in a cabinet, and it's a guest faux paux to put it back on the roll.
• Food that's dropped on the floor does not require pickup unless it's chicken bones.
• The dogs provide the dishwasher prewash cycle.
• You buy a vehicle based on the interior upholstery color and ability to hold 3 or more extra large dog crates.
• You mop several times a day and vacuum daily.
• Night refrigerator raids or bathroom trips require care not to step on the live rugs
• You never have cold feet because there's room under your desk.
• The consoles and compartments in your car are filled with extra leashes, collars, crate fans and show/training supplies.
• You carry a roll of paper towels and windex in the car
. Your car's windows are covered in nose prints and dried drool
• Your veterinarian has a wing named for you.
• The house is littered with hundreds of gutted, limp toys and crushed, flattened tennis balls.
• You are up-to-date on the newest vacuums because you buy one a year
• There are vacuums on every floor in your home
• Visitors to your home wearing black are automatically handed a lint roller, which is kept by the front door
. Your couches and chairs are either leather or covered in washable slipcovers
• Burglers never bother your house - mainly because they can't force the door open for the large dog on the other side sleeping.
• Your jeans have the faint smell of dried liver or lamb lungs from carrying treats in the pockets.
• The neighbors refer to you as the "dog lady" and routinely ask for advice.
• Using the word bitch is not cursing.
• More than half of your mail and the majority of your emails pertain to your dogs.
• You think nothing of talking openly about a dog's bodily functions, body parts or breeding activities.
• You are trying to decide when (not if) you will take back the special puppy from your prized champion male's next litter.
• You have a loving husband who never questions how much money you spend on your dogs.